Disclaimers: The Highlander characters Duncan MacLeod and Methos are the property of Rysher:Panzer/Davis. No profit is made from this story.
Be aware. I was in a really depressed mood while I wrote this, and I felt like writing a sad and mysterious story. It has become a mysterious story, all right. Even I have to take it as what it is. Just another one of Methos' secrets.
This material may not be copied, distributed, linked, published, and/or posted without the author's permission. But you may enjoy the read.
I'm entirely grateful to Tarsh for beta reading. Inspired by The Cycles of Eternity she wrote a story from Duncan's point of view. It's called The Road Through. And of course we're both eager to hear how you like it.
You'd like to read more? Go to http://jean.fanspace.com/Cassidy.htm
Comments are just as welcome as critique, on list, off list, whatever. See your reply as the currency in the realm of fan fiction. Send your responses to AitCassidy_2000@yahoo.de

It's only another goodbye. I should just turn around and leave!

"I don't know who and what you are, Methos. And I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. Taught me that life is about change. About learning to accept what you are. Good or bad. And I thank you for that," MacLeod says, pouring me some red wine. Taking a sip, the tart fluid invades my mouth like blood, and I feel as if I'm choking. The Highlander's words taste like a doomed farewell. Does he sense my inevitable departure?

I've known all along it would end like this. Why is it so hard? Why can't I just turn around and run? It wouldn't be the first time I ran. But the pain in my heart reminds me of a fatal wound. This isn't just any good-bye. It's our last farewell.

"Here's to the good times," I say, and MacLeod's face brightens with happy memories. Yes, we've had good times. The laughter, the joy, the happiness... intimate emotions have been resting comfortably in the depths of my soul. Tearing them from their warm shelter has been deadly. But how could I leave with compassion still implanted so firmly in my being?

I'm doomed to concentrate on the bad times. We've had many of those. Whenever MacLeod looks into my eyes, he still sees the murdering bastard I once was. He has never even encountered that mad and raging man. Yet, he hates me for what I was, many lifetimes past. That's what I should be remembering. And I should stop wondering if one day he'll be able to forgive. It's of no importance.

For I am Methos. I am the Angel of Death. I've roamed the earth since the beginning of time, looking for a man like MacLeod. A strong man. A brave man. A good man.

And now that I've found the Highlander, my journey has finally come to an end.

"Methos?"

Looking into his eyes, I encounter concern. I should have been honest with the Scot. From the very beginning of our friendship I should have been truthful. But truth has never been my strongest ally. How could I've known the Highlander was different from anybody else I'd ever met before? After thousands of years there aren't too many surprises left. MacLeod has been one. And I'm thankful for that.

I smile. I smile because that's how I want my friend to remember me. Although, there were too many tears between us. That's what he'll remember me for.

"I have to leave, Duncan."

He glances at his watch, and I can't help but laugh. That look strikes me as an absurd picture of innocence. The pure and naive Highlander. I should turn around, run, never look back. Why do I feel obliged to tell him? He'll find out soon enough.

"Forever," I say instead, waiting for his response. But there is no reaction. His gaze is glued to his wrist like he's trying to get his watch to give away the secret of eternity. I've lived for thousands of years. Even I have no concept of eternity. I wish I could tell him that love is destined to last longer than life's endless circle. I wish I could tell him that we don't have to worry. That we shouldn't fear this separation. But I know, love is fragile... it's transient.

"You're leaving again?"

I nod. What's there to say? Words have never been necessary between us. Since the moment I set eyes on him, I've known he's the one who'd end my hiding. The strongest of them, the one I've been waiting for all my life, had finally arrived. And I've taught him about acceptance, because that was all I had to give. That's really all I know about survival. I've planted the seed in his guts, and I know he'll prove worthy of the heritage.

"You'll come back. You always come back, even when you say you won't," MacLeod says. Hope shines in his eyes. Oh, yes, faith is his biggest ally. Just as mine has been loneliness. His friendship has been my reward. He'll guarantee my immortality, and therefore I love him like a father loves his son. For millennia I've been looking for the truth, for answers, but all I can give him is my love.

MacLeod's still holding the bottle and his knuckles are white. Deep down in his soul he conceives of the truth, although faith is clouding his eyes with the transparent fabric of make-believe. He forces himself to hold on to some shallow dream. I know. I've done the same thing. The Gathering is close. We both know it, but unlike him I'm able to accept it. I can accept it now. Now that I'm the teacher and not the student. I've been the student, in another realm where I was the chosen one, the strongest of them all. I've been doomed to be the carrier of our heritage into this realm so different from ours, different from everything I'd known until then. Now Duncan is doomed to my successor, to move on to yet another realm.

Back then, when I was the student, they told me; Remembrance is a gift. But they weren't entirely truthful. They forgot to mention now all gifts are appreciated. One of us Immortals will always remember who we are, where we come from and where we will go. Until now I was the one. I've been doomed to see our existence as a circle. I know, Duncan and I will meet again. What's our past now will then be our future... at the end of eternity.

But with all the time I spent chasing wisdom, one question still torments me. Does love have the power to withstand the end of time? Or will MacLeod hate me again? Maybe his hate will even grow? There have been cycles of hate before. Will he be my enemy again?

"Where are you going?" Duncan asks.

"I'm moving on to a better world." I try to smile. Try to silently tell him that we'll both go there. Just not together. What can I tell him about the world I'm coming from and the world we're going to? He won't understand either concept. But he'll learn. He'll understand once he's taken my life-force.

And that's why I have to go. With the Gathering so close, the Highlander would be forced to take my head. Taking my teacher's head was easy for me, for I am Death. But MacLeod's a Saint. Duncan wouldn't be willing to survive based on my death. But he'll easily go after the one who'll take my head, and that stale victory will give him a feeling of justice.

Maybe one breath of unity is worth all our agony? The Gathering will reunite us, and I will feel him close for a fraction of eternity before we're sundered for yet another cycle of the game. "Eventually we might even see each other in a better world," I tell him, quickly extinguishing the thought that his understanding of our truth demands my death.

"It'll be a great world." Yes it will. Putting aside all these morbid thoughts, a smirk covers my face. "They don't have beer, though."

He stares at me like I just lost my mind. And I feel for him. A world without beer, a mighty horrible thought.

I laugh softly, reminding myself that there is no room for grief. I'm the Angel of Death. The end of humanity. And Duncan is the Angel of Light. He's the end of darkness. We both have our place in this world. We'll both have our place in the next realm. For we are what mortals would call Angels, learning about the cycles of eternity.

Although the cycles overlap each other, they're not exactly the same. And our lives will never be like this again. While I've given MacLeod the gift of acceptance, he has given Death the gift of humanity. Life is about change. That's what I taught MacLeod. The cycle of eternity. I wonder, what exactly will the next round be like? Will Death remember humanity?

As I move over to the door I can feel his gaze burning my back. Agony blazes deep in my soul, and the pain floods my eyes with tears. So many losses, and I'm still not used to them. When I turn around to look at him one last time our eyes meet. He looks so hurt. And he looks so scared. I wish he would say something. I wish he would ask me to stay. I wish... but we both know our time has come to an end. MacLeod won't beg. He has me all figured out. I can't stay.

"I know you don't want to hear this," I say, the mask of cheerfulness hiding my true face, the sorrow of my existence. "But you did teach me something. Taught me that life's about love. About learning to accept intimacy. Reliability and alliance. I thank you for that."

Duncan smiles sadly and comes over to where I'm standing. "I know you're coming back. You always come back. Even you can't destroy the bonds of friendship."

Strongly he pulls me into his arms and then steps back. It could have been so much easier. I could have just turned around and left. Just another good-bye. There have been so many good-byes in my life. But it's always different with MacLeod.

The bond of friendship.

This cycle had cost me my strongest ally. Loneliness.

"Say hi to Joe for me," I tell him and quickly turn to the door. I'm leaving as fast as I can. I'm fleeing. Fleeing from what? A safe harbor? The door is almost closed. Almost closed. But I can't shut it all the way behind me. The hiding is over. Isn't that what I promised myself when Kronos died?

Kronos. The end of time. Duncan destroyed the end of time. Duncan MacLeod is the mighty Angel of Light.

Slowly I push the door back open again. The Highlander's still standing where I left him.

"If you were caught in a circle, what would you do?" Staring at my shoes, I avoid eye contact. All these years that we've known each other I was always a scholar in his eyes. Now I feel like the wisdom of the world hasn't even touched me at all. For the first time I'm realizing I don't have all the answers.

"I'd step out of it," Duncan replies quickly.

His solutions are always easy. Practical. "How?" I lift my head and throw him a challenging look. How? Can he tell me how? Is he the master of all our fates? The man I saw in him when he first stepped into my apartment?

Carefully Duncan offers me his hand. "I'd find someone to pull me."

I stare at his strong hand, the hand of a skilled swordsman, a fighter. Slowly I reach for his hand. The circle of eternity. It might be as easy as stepping out of it, and the world could change forever. When I take his hand, he gently pulls me back into the apartment.

I realize, we both have no answers. We don't know how to accomplish the breaking of the cycle... not yet. But, more importantly, with Duncan by my side, I might have found a key to end our misery. Trust. Compassion. Honesty. Sometimes love's all it takes to put hope in place of loneliness.

I look at MacLeod, who's still holding my hand. The world seems clearer now. I might have found a ways to end the loneliness. For Duncan and I. We're both drunk from the knowledge that we can love someone. Really love someone.

Destiny is a poem based on both "The Cycles of Eternity" and "The Road Through," written by Omega.


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